Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Da Clovekat's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, August 24th, 2008
3:49 am	Okay, I'm so very bad at things like this, hence the fact that it is late in coming, but...Happy birfday, Poetrywolf. Hope it was good to you. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
8:39 am	Not Good Poetry Day Hey everyone, as stated above, its Not Good Poetry Day, so without further ado, lets have us some poetry, which may or may not be bad, but is certainly not professional by any definition.   Song to the earth Mother  hold me, hold me in your earth. In the cool soil, one with the stone.   Away from eyes that see, away from ears that hear. Away from throats that cry, away from hands that kill.   Let my deeds be unsung, let memories fade. Let the ages pass, let the world forget.   Mother  hold me, hold me in your silence. In the weighted stillness, one with the root.   Give me surcease, give me nothingness. Give me rest, give me peace.   No man shall I hate, no blood shall I spill. No war shall I wage, no tears shall I shed.   Mother  hold me, hold me in your dark. In the dreamless sleep, one with your heart.   And there you have it folks. This Not Good Poetry Day was brought to you by the letters w t and f, and the number 42. Hope you all had fun. Really though, I know I don’t post much, ‘specially comparatively, and there are quite a few things needing to be put up, not the least of which is something a bit more insightful regarding Gathering. Honestly though, aside from practical things like email conversing and whatnot, the printed word seems to be beyond the capabilities of this brain right now. Not much has worked it’s way forth, to tell the truth, so instead of anything approaching cogent and considered, you get the spewing of what passes for my inner poet. Keep in mind, I know so little about poetry that I couldn’t even begin to tell you the specifics about why the above piece is Not Good. Also, this is not a plea for help or a sign of mental instability, though gods know I have plenty of that. All this is, is me trying to put words to a mental image that’s been in my head for some years and at least roughed out in one of my sketchbooks. So…there. I guess. Current Mood: sore (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 3rd, 2008
3:16 am	Gathering '08 Back from my first Gathering. It's the first time I've had an opportunity to get online for more than a minute, between having to work as soon as I got back, unpacking, catching up to life here at home, and all such nonsense. So, what can I say? Gathering was...way too many things for me to condense into one sentence. I'm still not sure I have the words for it, like it still has some percolating through my brain to do before I can bring order to everything. I do know this; I am extremely grateful that I went, for more reasons than I'm going to say. Everyone was absolutely incredible. To be surrounded by such mind-blowingly intelligent, educated and aware individuals was at once humbling and exhilerating. Ironically, those I met at Gathering were some of the finest human beings I have ever met. I have yet to figure out if that stems from being animal, or is simply another point of awesome in everyones' favor. Regardless, thank you all. Lynx, thank you for inviting me. I will never be able to repay that gift. And speaking of gifts, I shall burn the candle you gave me as soon as the new room is not so much the disaster that I left, and my meditation altar is set up. Watching, thank you for the green man, even though I was an idiot and left it behind *sad eyes*. I though I had packed it with Lynx's gifts. If it can get mailed out here, then it will have a place of honor in my den. Nona, Horsefeathers, for real Also, quite seperately, thank you, Kusani, beautiful lioness, both for putting me up (and putting up with me), and for being, well, you. My eternal gratitude, and so much more, are your's, mri'lao. *otoni!* *otoni!* *otoni!* P.S. Colorado is holy-shit-oh-my-god amazing! Current Mood: indescribable (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 20th, 2008
5:12 am	A plug...for Dr. Horrible's sing-along blog  I don't usually endorse things, but I have watched and been amused. My thanks, Mr. Whedon. As its only free to watch until midnight tonight, I highly recommend doing so. At worst, you'll have given away about half an hour of your time. And who knows, you might like it. So, you'll be needing a link, I suspect. Here ya go: http://www.drhorrible.com/ Of course, like all good entertainment, this has, beneath it's amusing facade, rebellion and sedition. Makes it all the more enjoyable, I say. Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
1:42 pm	Random meme day Your result for The Would You Have Been a Nazi Test... The Resistance Achtung! You are 23% brainwashworthy, 36% antitolerant, and 43% blindly patriotic Welcome to the Resistance (Der Widerstand)! You believe in freedom, justice, equality, and your country, and you can't be converted to the the dark side. Breakdown: your Blind Patriotism levels are borderline unhealthy, but you show such a love of people from everywhere and a natural resistance to brainwashing, you would probably focus your energy to fight the Fuehrer with furor, so to speak. Conclusion: born and raised in Germany in the early 1930's, you would have taken up ARMS against the oppressors. Or even your friends' oppressors. Congratulations! Less than 5% of all test takers earn a spot in the Resistance! The Would You Have Been A Nazi? Test - it rules - Take The Would You Have Been a Nazi Test at HelloQuizzy Current Mood: hopeful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
8:16 am	Marking territory Today, I begin the actual process of moving into my new place. I am moving back to the town where I work and where my kids and ex live. This will save twenty minutes and much gas, plus I will have more space to exist in. This is good. The house belongs to the family of a friend of mine, and while they live in their other, nicer home, he lives there, effectively renting it. I will be sharing a three bedroom, two bath house with one person, for a very reasonable monthly rent. Another friend is coming by today to set up a wireless network for us, mostly so I can use my laptop in the living room. This too is good. The house itself is, well, quite lived in, and has it's share of things that need fixing up, but this is not a bad thing, as I have been known to be quite handy at times. Besides, the fixing of things offers opportunity to take off some of the rent here and there, so all to the better. Last night, I actually went to a large store to look at things for my new home, such as window coverings. The important thing is that I will have my own space, where I am not stuck in a single room, and as long as they can get along with a small and overly energetic dog, my cats will have enough space to be comfortable. Aside from the stress of so much to do on top of an already  busy schedule, I find I am excited at this opportunity. It is everything I have actually needed in a place, even if there are things I would prefer were different. Such details can be worked around or changed later. I'll be here at least another year, since my ex just landed a year long contract and a fabulous new job. Even though we split from each other, we are still parents, and as much as possible, we're both going to be there for our children. So until career requirements demand moving, which they will for both of us, I'm staying close to them, and my new home will be five minutes away, and will have the space for them to come stay, as soon as I make some things safer for small children. Having been over there so much lately, the place is even starting to feel like mine in the territorial sense. My current space still feels like my den, being that I'm still here, but I've started scratching the trees, so to speak, at the new place. So, a belated happy loud-flashy day to everyone, and I'm off to get my move on. =^;^= Current Mood: excited (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
9:29 am	Real quick...  Pasted from redminx's journal: Previous 20 Define for me: Talent vs. Skill Again by request, another compare/contrast. It is something that seems a bit unclear for the most part, so your thoughts would be appreciated. So define for me if you will: Talent vs. Skill Tags: definition 12 Random Thoughts Share a thought... Remember Tell a Friend Flag Link </a></font></a>jerynn wrote: Talent: That which allows one to look good while doing something within the scope of said talent. It is potential, found within. Skill: That which allows one to actually be good while doing something within the scope of said skill. It is the realization of potential, actuation, and must be sought from without. Generally, I hold my skills, which I have worked long and hard at acquiring, in higher regard than my talents. Skills are a journey, as the path taken to find and cultivate them becomes the journal of one's life. Having a talent isn't enough, it takes a passion for something to make it meaningful. It is this passion that drives one to gain the skill necessary to be better. Talent is most useful when it aligns with passion, and is, I believe, one of the things that makes for greatness in a person. Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 8th, 2008
5:16 pm	And time is no man's friend... Seriously, I believe I may be unworthy of a journal. Five weeks without an update, and the last things I posted were a stupid meme quiz and a happy Beltane message. Blah; blah, I say. Mine is not a life near the computer mostly, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but still. So, writing projects, before any more pile up: Essay on spirituality/emotional maturity Essay on self interest versus selfishness, and how this relates to relationships Terole species posts. (Almost done with one, need to flesh out another) Burning man theme camp conceptual walkthrough (Somehow got talked into helping put together a theme camp, if it gets approval anyway) Short adventure fiction/fantasy story Resume update Grocery/Shopping list for month plus Gathering supplies Oy, and the irony is that I've never really considered myself a writer...*sigh* Current Mood: rushed (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 1st, 2008
3:57 pm	Beltane  So, here it is, Beltane, May Day, and so the obligatory holiday post. I can't say I actually celebrated it, but I did do my biweekly volunteer day at our local zoo, so I can say I was close to nature. No flowers though, being that it is a very dry climate here, and only just starting to warm up. I wonder if laying sod counts...? Ah well, however you spent today, happy Beltane, all. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
6:04 pm	Just because everyone else is doing it, and because it's strangely accurate... Current Mood: mellow (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 25th, 2008
3:30 pm	Grrr...! I'm lonely. I'm technically depressed. I know this. Right now, I have this overwhelming desire for simple touch, a hug, couch cuddling, anything. I want to reach out a hand and have another there to take hold, and there is noone, and it's making me feel needy. I hate it, I should be better than this, so just, grr! Current Mood: moody (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 20th, 2008
8:29 pm	Hurt but happy  Airsoft CQB is teh awesome, even on no sleep after a 13 hour night shift and being up all day before. Thighs are screaming at me, and I seem to have twisted my left ankle at some point during the whole thing, but who cares. Definitely going to be back out there next Saturday. That is all. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 12th, 2008
3:16 am	A touch dramatic, but...  ...something I wrote a couple of months ago, while I was beginning the process of putting my life into new perspective. I felt the need to reclaim my sense of self, my inner power, I guess you could say. So I was feeling a little Shakespearian, sue me. I AM I am a creature of the wind and the wood, the storm and the mountain. The ocean waves are my breath, the rumbling of the earth my heartbeat. The lighting tells my fury, and the soft spring rain whispers my peace. The gentle night breeze in summer is my lover's sigh in your hair; the howling blizzard of winter is my scream of challenge in your face. I am the shadow within the shadow. I am the hunter in the night. The moon is in my eyes, and fire pulses in my heart. I am the shape unseen, the footfall unheard, the presence unfelt. Hot steel is in my fangs, and burning ice in my claws. I am a King with no kingdom. I am a Warrior with only myself to battle. I am a Shaman with none but my own soul as a guide. I am a Lover without my mate. I will walk alone when I must, beside friends when I may, and with my family always. Look for me and you shall never see me. Chase me, and you shall be the hunted. Try to bind me, and you shall become my prey. But only seek out the dappled green of the forest, where sunlight and shadows play, and let fall a hand, with fingers outstretched, and you may yet touch as I walk beside you. Current Mood: pensive (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
12:41 pm	How do you find yourself again after so long? How do the jagged pieces of a shattered life fit together? How do you become whole after years of neglecting half of who and what you are? Who but yourself can give you these answers? Who's strength but your own can you rely on to see through to the other side of a long and uncertain journey, in which success, even survival is never guaranteed? How long can you keep hiding away from yourself, from who you need to be, from WHAT you need to be? And when you've been hiding for so long that you have all but forgotten what that feels like, how do you know where to look for it once you've decided to stop hiding? So many question marks, I guess you could say I've been a bit busy, if only in my own head. Current Mood: pensive Current Music: The silent howling of the mind's Abyss (Comment on this)
Monday, March 26th, 2007
3:12 pm	Absence makes the cat less cranky Gah! It seems I have an inate talent for falling off the face of the earth at the exact worse time to be gone. Scanning my friends page, it seems like I've missed some important things. That's one of downsides to being a solitary-type creature, there are times when you are driven at times to get away from people, all people, even the ones you love and who love you. It's not that I mind the times of solitude, I enjoy them, but it's afterward, when I have to play catchup with my friends' lives, that the whisper of guilt starts creeping in, and human social drives try to tell me that needing and wanting to be alone is selfish. They say that I should be there for those people I count my friends, not just in spirit and thought, but physically be available to them, all the time. I try not to let it get to me too much, but it always does, even if just a little. So, for everyone who went through life-altering changes in the last couple of weeks, and I wasn't around to see it, notice it, comment on it, support or ease it, I am sorry I missed it. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 27th, 2007
10:11 pm	No time to say hello, goodbye. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late! Urgh. Sorry if I haven't been keeping up lately. I've been busy hitting the streets and jumping through government hoops the last few days, plus studying, so I've really not been in front of the computer that often, except to email my resume out to prospects. I see that I missed quite a bit on my friends page, so sorry. But hey, things are looking good so far; got lots of good possibilities. Anyways, back to business. Cheers =^:^= Current Mood: busy Current Music: guitar practice (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
12:10 am	The end and the beginning Well, this has become a true time of change. As of today, I am officially laid off from my position at the veterinary hospital that I had worked at for just over a year now. This happened because the business is apparently not making enough money to support it's previous number of employees. I was given exactly six hours notice, since Monday is, or rather was my short day, and I was told at the beginning of my shift that I was being let go after the day was over. In truth, I can't say that I'm surprised. The signs were there; shorter hours across the board, employee positions becoming vacant and not being filled; there was even a time I went to cash my paycheck during lunch the same day I got it, and the bank was unable to do so, due to insufficient funds from the account. So no, I'm not exactly taken aback. I would also be remiss if I didn't mention that I have had my eye out for a better paying position closer to home for awhile now. So, I guess that while I'm not exactly too broken up about getting the shaft, it does upset me a bit that I have to pay for someone else's financial fuck-up. No matter though, I shall continue to accept the situation with grace and dignity, and make the best of things. If nothing else, this turn of events allows me to devote more time to finding that better job. We have a bit of financial flexibility, so I don't have to take just anything. Today was also the first day of this semester's classes. I am so close to my biology degree, I can taste it. I only have to clear one major hurdle...math. Calculus and statistics to be more precise. I've put it off and put it off, but now I finally have to get it out of the way. Once it's done though, just a couple of upper division classes for my major and I get to walk. So yeah, in spite of what might seem to be somewhat overwhelming circumstances, I feel strangely positive about how things are going. Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: iPod on shuffle (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 4th, 2007
12:15 am	Once in a lifetime I have just seen one of the coolest things in my life thus far. On my way home, it was halfway cloudy and rainy, and a full moon night. And I saw a dark rainbow cast by the full moon. *Completely awed* Current Mood: enthralled Current Music: The ringing in my head (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
12:33 am	Grrr! So help me, whomever it was that invented analytic geometry shall be found and bludgeoned to death with a very large calculus book, suffer a graphing calculator to be shoved down their throat, and finally impalled upon a gigantic slide rule. I hate Trig... Current Mood: stressed Current Music: Angry goth stuff (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 19th, 2006
4:18 am	Where am I? I've been thinking lately about personal power, and what it means to have it, to have that sense of inner strength. Where does it spring from, and how do different people cultivate theirs'? For me, personal power is about being me, knowing who I am and what I am, whether anyone else sees or acknowledges it. I know, and it is enough. I do not need to make a display of myself to have power, which is all to the better, since I am a quiet individual by nature, watching from the shadows and the fringe of things. The masks I have learned to wear around others will throw most off, because they are meant to distract everyone from my truth of self, but lately I have been getting away from using them, at least in the company of a select few. There are at least some whom I let glimpse a glimmer of the truth, though my wife would have me throw the door open to show anyone and everyone. I don't think I'm quite ready for that big a step, but given time, perhaps... I find that I am growing quite weary of lies. Not just the ones we tell the world, but the lies we tell ourselves; those most of all, I think. The more I move away from them, away from the self imposed blindness that they are a product of, the more I find that they, more than anything, are a hindrance, a stumbling block on the road to my personal sense of power. I am trying now to live completely honestly, in word, action, and most importantly, thought, because the lies we tell ourselves in our heads are the hardest to see, and the most dangerous. The things we tell ourselves in order to justify the way we are become an insidious poison, felt only when it is far too late to undo our mistakes. So why am I rambling on this at this hour? I don't know really. I guess I'm still trying to find out where I am on my own road to power. Recent events have forced me to question some of my wants, my desires and whether I had truly moved on or simply buried them, telling myself they were gone until I believed it. Honest self examination and ruthless confrontation of what I feel and believe seems to be the order of the day lately, so there you are. Now, where am I J. P.S. Just because I'm opting to live honestly doesn't mean I'll be giving any old secrets away now. Like any good cat, I know to keep my mouth shut until the right question is asked, and even then a straightforward answer isn't much likely. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Red Blood Radio (live365.com) (Comment on this)